Haru’s Thoughts: 2019 So Far

Hi! I know I had been absent a lot and the past few years. There are so much going for me this year.

But as they say, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

NOTE TO READER: This is not a review post. If you’re looking for one, go look in the other categories or use the search bar.

A small reflection of my 2019 so far. I read back my post from Jan: Haru’s Thoughts: Chinese New year 2019. I mentioned that late 2018 was one of the most difficult moments in my life (so far). Until 2019 came.

I had so much regrets, pent up frustrations, upsetting moments, empty words received. So much murky uncertainty, never-ending what-if’s, buts, loses, family-related things… And more problems that nag at me every night. This is the year I got sick a lot. Sure, I didn’t go to the ER like last year. I almost did, but I managed myself…

The main highlight was… when I got into a slightly major car accident. I was the victim. It got me thinking, “Why? Why me? Of all the cars in the highway, why me?” On top of all the mentioned above, plus this, and more turmoil after. Why me? I never got an answer to that question. Up until now. Why. Was I simply in a bad place, at a bad time? How unfortunate.

One would simply break and want to give up. Anyone in the right mind would.

However, it’s not all bad, there had been some good this year. I saw my 2 close friends – who had been together for YEARS finally get married. I am finally a godmother to my friend’s kid. I witnessed 2 office mates of mine got married at quite a late age (based on society standards). My aunts who had not visited here for years, dropped by and had a reunion. I saw our (my boss and I) year’s of work come alive – with a lot of hiccups, but getting there. My colleague got a promotion that we worked on for a year.

Maybe. Just maybe. I’m next to experience good news. I was so busy helping others get better, that I forgot myself and what I want and need.

And I have a lot of people to thank for. I found unusual support system across friends that I wouldn’t expect. I don’t have much friends, but there are a small group that I can thank for that helped me this year.

Special mention to the one that requested to pray over me twice. I can’t help but thank her for being there when I needed someone the most – that I don’t need to ask. She simply felt that I was carrying something heavy. I found it an odd request, but it was liberating to have such a friend. Thank you for prayers, listening to me and being there – just being there. You know who you are. Thank you very much, from the bottom of my heart.

I remember 2 years ago, someone told me the years after would be the most difficult part of my entire life (aside from the past one I had years ago). But after that, it would be all well. No Sh*t. Please, I hope no more hardship.

For now, I can’t exactly predict what will happen next but that cycle is ending. I’m looking forward to the good things that may and will happen next.

New things won’t happen on the same sequence you follow. Like in the industry I work from, they keep on saying, you have to brave the tide and do something differently to achieve better results.

I think what’s left for me to do is, as Dory (Finding Nemo) would say, just keep swimming.

I know, there is a huge light waiting for me at the end of the tunnel.

1 month to go left for 2019! Hoping for the best yet to come.

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